Broken
by momentofbored
Summary: My take on what might have happened after the series finale... will encompass all the main characters and many pairings, just be patient :P
1. Chapter 1: Derek's Gaze

"Meredith."

"Meredith!"

The woman in question felt sick to her stomach in a gut wrenching way she hadn't experienced in years, not since she was 17 years old and had accidentally run over a kitten when- Meredith stumbled slightly, suddenly certain that she was going to faint and almost glad of that as she embraced the eventuality, the fact that, at least for a few minutes, she wouldn't need to deal with this anymore-

"Meredith?" both Derek and Finn questioned at the same moment, concern in their voices as she swayed forward before somehow righting herself, saying slowly, "Doctor Shepard," at the same moment that an alarmed cry went up somewhere to her left.

"Doctor Shepherd!"

"Doctor Shepherd!" came several successive shouts and Meredith rolled her eyes, suddenly feeling much stronger as she muttered,

"Naturally. Duty calls," under her breath, whirling to see why everyone was shouting for Derek and gasping in alarm as she realized that the cries weren't for Derek at all, but about Addison, who was sprawled unconscious on the floor. Meredith dared a glance at Derek, who was eying the scene with total disbelief as George, of all people, seemed to be taking charge. To Meredith's total incredulity however, Derek actually turned back to her, eyes pleading as he gasped hoarsely,

"Please. What does it MEAN?"

She looked at him aghast, a single tear falling. "Who ARE you?" she questioned brokenly. "Your WIFE is unconscious on the floor. Go to her. It MEANS you should go to her!" She turned from his gaze with strength she hadn't known she possessed, smiling weakly up at Finn. "I'm off call until noon tomorrow. Let's get out of here."

The last thing Meredith heard as she walked from the hospital was George frantically shouting for a gurney, but the last thing she felt was Derek's gaze.

--

TBC… will eventually involve everyone and a whoooole bunch of pairings. Feedback is treasured, makes me write faster, and keeps me writing at all, hehe, so any and all thoughts are treasured! Thanks!


	2. Chapter 2: Need to Be Home

Meredith unlocked her front door cautiously, not wanting to disturb Izzie, but she knew the second she stepped inside that the situation was far beyond that. Her friends sat on the couch, still in the ridiculous and gorgeous pink dress, staring at the wall as though it contained all the secrets of the universe. For one weak moment Meredith contemplated just going upstairs and not dealing with anything else, at least not until morning and a hot shower had cleared away the worst of her own guilt… but she was ultimately unable to ignore the crestfallen slump of her friend's shoulders and stepped softly into the living room.

"Izzie?" she asked quietly, taking a hesitant step forward. Receiving no response, she repeated, louder, "Izzie?" then again, "IZZIE?"

"I heard you the first time," the girl said tonelessly, continuing to stare straight ahead. "I'm not deaf." She took a shaky breath before, to Meredith's surprise, turning her head to face her, saying softly, "I thought you were going to Finn's."

"Right," Meredith said slowly, hesitantly walking over to the couch and sitting beside Izzie. "Finn's."

"I hope you're not here because of me," Izzie continued dully, turning back to the wall. "I'm fine." With visible effort she turned back to Meredith, smiling the fakest smile the other woman had ever seen before continuing with no conviction whatsoever, "See? Fine! You should go. You can probably still catch Finn and-"

"Also I slept with Derek at the prom, and I sort of need to be home right now," Meredith cut her off, and Izzie just stared at her friend silently for a minute before starting to laugh helplessly, mirthlessly.

"I'm sorry," she gasped. "It's just… you and I both really, really _suck_ at life, do you realize that? Like, really, really-" And suddenly she was sobbing as Meredith watched helplessly, at a total loss as to what to do for her.

"I'm sorry," Izzie gasped, turning her head away in a somewhat successful attempt to collect herself. "It's just-"

"You don't need to be sorry," Meredith said at once, placing a hand in Izzie's back gently and hesitantly rubbing it, trying to offer some comfort.

"What are you going to do?" Izzie asked softly.

"I don't know," Meredith replied honestly after a long moment, shaking her head helplessly.

"What do you want to do?"

"I don't think…" Meredith began softly, and then shook her head. "I don't think what I want is an option."

"You want Derek," Izzie said dully, scrutinizing her friend.

Meredith looked down at her feet, something like shame coursing through her whole body as she whispered, "Pretty pathetic, huh?"

"Well, take it from me," Izzie said with a nearly hysterical giggle. "Life is short. We have to go after what we want while it's still there to take."

--

"How do you feel?" Bailey asked Addison as she walked into her hospital room.

"Okay," Addison said cautiously. "I- I don't remember what happened-"

"You went all Victorian era on us and fainted," Bailey snapped with a smile as Addison grinned weakly. "Where's the other Doctor Shepard? I have a feeling you might want him to be here when I give you the results."

Addison grimaced, smile fading. "That bad?"

Bailey shrugged, something resembling a smirk on her face. "Depends what counts as 'bad'. Do you want me to page him?"

Addison shook her head in the negative. "No, he just went to scrub in- I can handle it on my own."

"Oh, I'm sure of that," Bailey said with a knowing smile, then shrugged. "The short version is this: You're pregnant."

--

_Feedback is adored and keeps me writing! _


	3. Chapter 3: Tell Me Something

Addison looked at Bailey for a long moment before letting out a genuine laugh. "That's not possible. Run the tests again."

"With RESPECT, Doctor Montgomery Shepard, I ran them _personally_, three times. There is no doubt that you're pregnant, which I would view as rather fortunate if I were you, as it conveniently explains your recent mood swings."

"I don't understand," Addison said hollowly. "I've been on the pill for years and Derek doesn't want kids-"

"Well, he's going to have to learn-" Bailey began before her pager went out, and she frowned in frustration. "I have to see to this. I'll be assigning George O'Malley to your case, if that's alright?"

Addison nodded mutely.

--

Meredith sighed as she walked into the changing room, finding herself face to face with Alex. "You're not on call," she chastised halfheartedly.

"Yeah, well, neither are you," he replied without any of his characteristic snap, worrying her slightly and her brow furrowed as she looked at him.

"Tell me something and I'll tell you something," she offered softly, echoing his proposal of long ago and briefly uncertain as to whether he would take her up on it or not as conflict flashed across his face.

"I went home and tried to sleep, but all I could think about-" he swallowed hard, hesitating for another long moment before continuing, "was whether Izzie was okay, alright?"

Pain flashed across Meredith's face before she admitted softly, "She's not," surprised by the look of frustration that flashed across Alex's face as she said it.

"I didn't think so," he said dully, and Meredith hated how ineffectual she felt as she offered tentatively,

"You could stop by and see her, you know. I think she'd like that."

"No, I-" Alex began before punching the nearest locker in frustration, struggling to get ahold of himself before meeting Meredith's knowing gaze. "She wouldn't want to see me."

"That's not true and you know it," Meredith said sharply, eyes flashing slightly in realization. "You just don't want her to see that you care-"

"You think I have pride at a moment like this?" he questioned in real disbelief and Meredith felt instantly guilty at her assumption as he continued, "In case you haven't been here for the past six months, Izzie hates me. She'd throw me out on my-"

"She doesn't hate you," Meredith said incredulously. "And just for the record here- it's my house. And as far as I'm concerned, you're always welcome at my house."

She almost felt guilty at the raw gratitude in his eyes as he bit out, "I appreciate that."

She smiled. "I know you do."

"So-" he said, punching her arm lightly. "What's your story?"

She smiled halfheartedly. "It's the same story as always. No surprises here."

"Derek?" Alex asked with a small grimace and she nodded halfheartedly.

"Derek."

As Alex continued to gaze at her she flushed slightly, embarrassed as understanding flashed on his face.

"Well, I have to tell you the truth, I never was the biggest fan of Addison," he shrugged, and despite herself Meredith let out a laugh.

"Alex! That's terrible-"

"Oh, like you are?" he rolled his eyes. "I say good for you. And hey, whatever, if you insist on thinking she's a good person, you could always just convince yourself she was too good for him anyway-"

"Alex!" Meredith protested again, but she was unable to hide her smile. "I don't- I'm not-" her smile faded. "I don't think he's leaving her."

Alex looked at her, strange certainty in his eyes. "He's leaving her. Just go talk to him."

"Are you going to go talk to Izzie?" she chided lightly and sighed as Alex's face clouded at her name. "Why didn't you just tell her?" Meredith questioned sadly, wishing she had asked the question months ago.

"Tell her what?" Alex inquired in confusion.

"That you really cared about her," Meredith said as though it were obvious, slightly pained expression on her face, surprised when Alex visibly shuddered. 

"Do you have any idea how people will hurt you once they know-"

"I would have to go with a 'yes, I do know'," Meredith retorted firmly. "But HONESTLY Alex! Are you really trying to tell me that the two of you didn't hurt one another this way? Because to the casual observer-" she sighed. "I'm sorry. That was uncalled for."

He shook his head. "It was true."

She shot his a half smile. "Come by after work."

He hesitated. "I'll- think about it."

--

Derek walked into Addison's hospital room just as she finished putting on her suit, and they both offered halfhearted smiles before looking down at the floor.

"I hear you're good to go," he offered weakly and she nodded.

"Just exhaustion- nothing a day off won't fix," she lied smoothly, hating herself just a little bit for doing so as he nodded.

"That was good to hear." He let out a sigh. "Look, Addie-"

"We need to talk," she finished for him, resignation in her voice as she allowed her eyes to meet his.

"We need to talk," he confirmed, and it would have taken an idiot to miss the guilt in his voice.

"Well, then, let's talk," she said with bravado she didn't feel as he turned to shut the door.

--

_Feedback keeps me writing! Thanks for reading :) And I actually do care if people would like to see this go MerDer or Addeck (I myself am conflicted), so input on that would be especially treasured!_


	4. Chapter 4: Let's Eat

Derek and Addison stood staring at one another for endless moment upon endless moment, each obviously and unsuccessfully waiting for the other to make the first move. "Addie," He began slowly, wringing his hands together nervously as he managed to choke out, "Are you happy?"

She looked away from him as she whispered brokenly, "How can I be happy when you're so obviously miserable?"

"I'm not miserable," he protested at once, but his words sounded hollow even to his own ears as she smiled sadly.

"You are. You've just gotten better at hiding it."

"Addie," he began again, guiltily, and she shook her head, holding up a hand.

"We want different things, Derek. I want a house, you want a trailer. I want New York, you want Seattle. I want children," her voice cracked slightly, "You never have." She closed her eyes, bracing herself to say what she knew she had to. "I want our marriage, and you want Meredith."

He opened his mouth helplessly, then shut it, shaking his head ineffectually as he whispered, "I'm sorry."

Her head snapped back as though she had been slapped and he braced himself for an outburst of some kind, an outburst he should have realized she would be too dignified to ever give voice to as she simply nodded, smiling at him sadly.

"I know you are. I'm sorry too." She met his eyes, and he saw real warmth there as she took a step forward, squeezing his hand. "We had a good time. It's over now," she said, shrugging. "I don't mean to be so flippant about it, but when you boil it down that's really all there is, isn't it? I'm… SO grateful for the happiness I had with you. And I think we're both going to be happier now."

He looked at her closely. "What are you-"

"I'm leaving for New York in the morning. The hospital was kind enough to say they'd like to have me back. I signed the divorce papers again, they're on the chair," she said with a melancholy smile, seeing the surprise in his eyes and wishing she knew another way to do it, a softer way, as she reaching up to kiss his cheek. "Be happy."

"Addison, I-" he began haltingly, unsure what he could possibly say and she smiled once more, saying with finality,

"You know me, Derek. I don't want to be second. Not in anything, but especially not in your heart. I can't keep pretending anymore."

With as much dignity as she could muster she swept out of the room, resolving not to cry until her plane left the ground.

--

Alex took a deep breath, steadying himself to knock on the door for the third time before losing his nerve once again, muttering a curse word under his breath before taking a step forward and quickly ringing the doorbell.

He waited for a long and anti-climactic moment, feeling like a fool as nothing whatsoever happened. He rang the bell again and was just about to give up and walk away when the door swung open, revealing Izzie in a robe, hair dripping around her shoulders.

"Sorry, I didn't realize-" he blurted at the same moment she began,

"Sorry- I- it didn't occur to me-" before both stopped awkwardly, offering small and halfhearted smiles as he held up a huge container of Chinese food.

"I thought you might be hungry," he offered and she cringed, saying,

"I'm not," dismissively even as she stepped aside to let him into the house. Choosing to focus on her actions rather than her words he entered, saying smoothly,

"Let me rephrase. I thought you should eat."

She nodded slowly, with a vacancy that frightened him. "Yeah." She shook her head. "The normal things shouldn't be so hard, right? It's not supposed to be painful to shower-"

"Izzie," he began thickly, feeling like his heart was in his throat, hating that he had no idea how to finish the thought, no idea what to say- "Let's eat."

--

Meredith tossed her bag over her shoulder, taking one last look around her as she prepared to leave the hospital, pausing as she caught sight of Christina across the hall. "Christina!" she called, walking rapidly over to her, lowering her voice as she asked, "How is he?"

The shorter woman shrugged, not needing to ask who she was talking about, and Meredith didn't need to look hard to see that she was on the bring of collapse "Hard to say. I'm trying not to- I can't think about it right now."

Meredith cringed. "Look, I'm heading home, but- if you need someone to talk to later, come over. I think maybe Alex-"

"I'll be here later," Christina said simply and Meredith offered her a small smile.

"Well, remember to sleep, okay?" she offered, hating that she had nothing more poignant to give in her own dubious emotional state.

"I will," Christina nodded, offering her a tired half-smile. "But you should go. I think someone's looking for you."

Meredith looked at her in confusion, slowly turning around to see Derek gazing at her intently.

_I feel I must announce in fairness that this is most likely going to ultimately be MerDer. Having said that, Addie is my FAVORITE character on the show, no doubt about it, she will not be mistreated… haha, as so many of you have said in your fantabulous feedback, it's not like Derek deserves- well, really either her or Mer anyway. She will be made happy (hopefully they all will, I'm that kind of girl)_

_Feedback is treasured more than you know, THANK you for being so generous with it, and I will try to update again soon if people are still interested in reading more :)_


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